Ah ha!

Some days I feel like I'm just slogging through my hectic day, checking things off the to do list, running errands, and generally completing the necessary tasks that must be done to keep our life rolling along smoothly (or as smoothly as humanly possible anyway).  Actually, maybe that is most days.  If I'm lucky, I get in a conversation with a friend, which always makes the day a bit better.  Keeps me grounded.  And often reminds me why doing all those things each day is important.

Today, I spoke for just a few minutes to a dear friend that I have known for 20 years and don't talk to nearly enough these days.  We are both stay-at-home moms, which we thought would be great - we'll see each other all the time!  Right?  Nope.  We live only about 20 minutes apart, but life is just too crazy. My kids are a bit older than hers, so we're just both slogging through our different routines most of the time.

Anyway, today I got to have a brief chat with her.  And it made my heart feel good to reach out and talk to her, even if it was only for about 10 minutes.  I miss talking to her more frequently, but it makes me smile every time.  We were talking, as we mostly do, about the kids and some of the cute/fun/challenging things going on in their lives these days.

After we got off the phone, I smiled and had an Ah Ha! moment.  Because her children are a bit younger than mine, she has frequently had a variety of parenting questions for me, as much of what she may be struggling with I have already been through and we all know how much we value the advice of our mom friends when it comes to getting over tough hurdles.  And I am always happy to discuss/advise/encourage/support/listen/and much, much more.  Anything I can do to help!  Always!

But today somewhere in my brain went "Oh goodness, this situation is so unlike anything we experienced as parents.  It is so truly amazing how different each child is.  And how important it is to recognize that as each child is different, our parenting style with each child must change as well!"

It is easy when you have more than one child to feel like the approach or strategy that worked for the oldest should clearly work for the subsequent one(s), right?  Nope.  More often than not, it won't work. Sometimes it only takes a minor modification.  If you're lucky.  Other times it really takes an entirely different approach.  I know this is OFTEN true for my two children.  And I OFTEN forget it.  And then I get frustrated when it doesn't work and things disintegrate into chaos.

But it isn't always easy to have different approaches for the different children in a family either!  One of the frequent complaints from any child (frequently it's my oldest) is "that's not FAIR!"  Well, years ago I read in a parenting article the best response to this comment that I've heard and thus use regularly - "FAIR is not always EQUAL."

In an ideal world it would be, but that is definitely not the world I live in and not the world of child rearing as I know it.  But sometimes the different approaches work together and we can all live with the un-equalness of it if the result is positive.  I think my girlfriend does a better job with her girls of maintaining the flexibility to parent this way than I do.  Her daughters are VERY different in many ways and she is an amazing mother to both of their personalities.  Maybe it's her teacher background - she can manage a classroom full of different student personalities, and know how best to engage them to be the best students they can be.

Whatever the reason, her flexibility and acceptance of her daughters' differences really struck a chord with me today.  I hope she can inspire me to be the best parent I can be for each of my own children as they learn and grow in their own funny, quirky, artistic, creative, crazy ways.

Parenting is such a journey!  Not always a smooth one (in fact, almost never), but a wonderful journey nonetheless.

Hoping to Be Inspired

So, yes, I do realize that it's been months, AGAIN, since my last post.  But it truly doesn't mean that I don't intend to post.  In fact, usually several times a week I do think about a possible item to post or even tell myself that I really need to get back to posting more often.  It just means I'm busy.  Or lazy.  Or both.  Or when I'm not busy being busy, I'm allowing myself a bit of lazy time.  Which I guess is good too.

Today my sister-in-law announced that she is starting a blog.  She's a professor of computer science at Georgia Tech and mother of two girls, so she puts my level of "busy" to shame.  She posted today about why she wanted to start her blog and the type of information she hopes to share.  I was inspired by her start today and thought, why I should get a post of my own going today as well.  No time like the present.

So, I guess first I should update you (by the way, is anyone even still out there reading this thing??) on where life has taken us.  John is in 3rd grade, doing famously, playing travel soccer, basketball and baseball, participating in a Lego team, playing violin and recorder at school and enjoying life as only an extremely goofy 9-year old boy can.  Kara is in kindergarten and finally is enjoying it (she had a bit of a bumpy start to the year) and making some new friends, which is wonderful.  She does gymnastics and is blooming into a very sweet, funny, and beautiful young girl.  Matt is about to change jobs and take on a new challenge, which is a great step for him to take professionally.

And me?  Well, I'm here trying to keep everyone on track.  Keep all the juggling balls that our family keeps throwing into the air, well, up in the air.  It's a very tough thing to do.  I wasn't quite sure what this year would be like for me, with both kids finally in school full-day.  Would I be lonely?  Bored?  Anxious?  Look for a job?  Feel guilty for not already being back at work?  I certainly didn't expect to be as busy as I have found myself.  Turns out that with our evenings busy running here and there to various activities, my days are really spent getting everything done so that after school we can go, go, go.  There is still a little bit of loneliness, guilt, and anxiety that comes with staying at home even after the kids go to school.  But for now, I am trying to enjoy this time.  Take some time to work on some of the projects around the house that I've been putting off for almost 9 years...or so I say (not too many of those projects have happened yet, but it's a nice thought!).

I'm also trying to figure out what MY next step in life will be.  Personally and professionally.  I have some time now to be thoughtful about what I would like to be doing with my time and how to make that happen.  Who knows where this road will take me.  So far, I haven't been able to make much headway in thinking about the future.  Maybe this blog will help me focus those thoughts.  Maybe I'll find my inspiration here.

For now, for the first step, I'm going to pledge to post more often.  Let's see if I can manage to get another post done in the next week.  Baby steps.  I don't know where I'm heading, but I hope I can share some of it with you.

Chapters

So today a chapter (a FIVE year chapter) is closing in our lives.  It's been a really wonderful chapter with lots of special characters, twists and turns, challenges and successes.  But today the last piece of this chapter is being written and then it will be over.

Today is Kara's last day of preschool at Hunters Woods Preschool.  John started there five years ago, when he was 3 1/2 and Kara was just shy of her first birthday.  Seems like a lifetime ago now.  We've all grown, learned, changed, developed, cried, smiled, laughed and cheered since then.  The kids and us as parents as well.  And while I can't say I loved EVERY minute of it, I can say that I loved most of it and that I wouldn't change it at all.  It's all gone into making us who we are today and gearing us all up for the crazy, wonderful road ahead.

Kara has been at this preschool for three years and has had the fortune to have her playgroup (which also began the same fall that John started at HWPS) with her in class for the last two years, in addition to several other close friends in the class.  Of course that did lead to some drama, some interesting moments, and some frustration, but in the end it was a special experience for her.  She has formed bonds with friends, has outgrown much of her shyness, has done things I never would have expected.  She is an amazing girl, and is so ready for the next chapter in her life.

We've had the joy of having amazing classroom teachers, the preschool is led by a founding member and also fabulous woman, and we have made so many close family friends during our time at HWPS.  It has been so much more than a preschool for us.  It's been our support, our comfort, our guide, and our joy.  This five year journey has been challenging, of course, but we have survived it.  No, survived isn't quite right...thrived, excelled, climbed, and most importantly succeeded in becoming "kindergarten ready" (whatever the heck that term is supposed to mean) and also in becoming better parents and a stronger family in the process.

I keep finding myself saying "thank you" to the teachers, to the kids and to the families of the preschool.  But those words don't feel like enough to show the depths of which I feel thankful.  This chapter may be closing, but it will never be forgotten.  Its impact will be the foundation with which we go forward into the next chapter.  I have loved this chapter and I know I will also love the next chapter, but today, here, now...I'm cherishing the last few moments this chapter has for us.

Thank you Hunters Woods Preschool......

Whoosh!

So today is the last morning of preschool for Kara for this year. Did you hear that whooshing sound? For me, that's the sound of this school year blowing by me in record speed and leaving me feeling a bit windblown and battered. It's been a year of lots of ups and downs and many, many bumps. I must admit that I'm glad to have it over (at least for Kara and soon enough for John too) and am ready for the adventures this summer will bring for us.

Let's do a quick review of the last year: kitchen renovation, summer vacation and lots of time at the pool, 1st grade for John and year 2 of preschool for Kara, fall soccer and finally losing a tooth for John, MAJOR flood in the basement and kitchen leading to all kinds of hurdles and problems and stress for us all, allergy/reflux issues for John and just allergy issues for me and Kara, the unexpected passing of my dear Aunt Martha just a few months after she had retired, Matt's appendicitis surgery and recovery, another flood in the basement (much less dramatic this time, but still water in the basement - not fun), a great spring break trip to Nags Head, NC, me becoming president of the preschool board for next year, and many plans ahead for a fun and adventure filled summer.

This summer will bring: a third trip to Lancaster, PA to go to Dutch Wonderland (a kids' theme park that is fabulous), more wonderful veggies from our CSA, finishing up John's baseball season, finishing up repairs on the basement, yet another renovation project (this time the kids' full bathroom, which needs to be fully gutted and replaced - what fun...), a road trip to Maine to attend a celebratory party in honor of my Aunt, closely followed by a road trip south to Topsail Island, NC for our annual beach week, then football, tennis, sports and arts camps for John, and lots of time at our neighborhood pool with friends, before the school year begins and John will go into 2nd grade (how on earth did that happen so soon??) and Kara will start her final year at our preschool (oh my baby!).

Are you tired yet? I am....I know for sure by the end of this summer I will feel pretty windblown and battered too, but I am looking forward to having less unexpected bumps along the way, less stress, and way more fun.

It's been a tough year for us and for our family for sure. But it has also brought me a new respect for my support network. I have been forced to ask for help more times in the last year than ever before. And for those of you that know me, that does NOT come easily for me. I am always willing to help out my friends and family, but I have a very hard time asking for help myself. But everyone I have asked has been very willing and very supportive and wonderful to us. We have gotten through this year in large part due to the love and energy of those around us. It hasn't been pretty and it hasn't been easy, but I am hoping we have survived, learned a few lessons, and will find the road ahead just a little smoother than the road behind us.

Well, I'll keep my fingers crossed for that. I certainly won't hold my breath for it though. ;-)

An Update

So yet again, time seems to pass too quickly for me to take the few moments to sit down and type out a post about one of the many many things that I think each day would make a great blog post. To my defense, life has been very very busy and exhausting lately. I'm continually hopeful it will slow down, but as usual, the pace only seems to gradually be picking up. I've got no idea how parents with four or five or more older kids keep up with all that must be on their schedules. I'm having trouble keeping up with two and one is still in preschool!

One of my recent, and on-going, adventures involves the preschool we attend. This year I am serving as the admissions officer and have been spending a lot of time on the phone and at the school answering questions, giving tours, and basically being a full-time cheerleader for the preschool. Which I love doing. It's been a lot of fun to meet new families and convince them as to why the school would be a great fit for them. We had our open house last week, which is when we open up registration to new families for next year. I had been hoping that my role would slow down after that night, but no such luck! Now we get to follow up with everyone who has applied and start the paperwork process required to get all the kids enrolled for next year. Oh, what fun! It is truly fun and I have enjoyed it, but it has taken up more time than I had expected.

The kids have also been busy bees. Swimming, gymnastics, playdates, and various princess parties have overtaken Kara's quite busy social calendar, in addition to her 3 mornings of preschool each week. John is keeping busy with schoolwork, sports activities, ice skating, losing teeth, and dressing up as Thing 1 for Dr. Seuss's birthday last week. He's reading like crazy and has recently started getting an allowance. We'll see if the money goes towards a sports item or a new book. He's also continuing to challenge himself with new math skills. They're both growing like weeds and already are looking forward to all kinds of adventures this summer.

With the warmer weather we've started getting out and about. Seeing neighbors emerging after the super-cold winter we've had is nothing short of wonderful. All the kids have grown, lost teeth, gotten a new baby sibling, or had other adventures they're dying to share with each other. It's a fun time of year and we're so ready to embrace it.

Speaking of which, I think it's time for me to get to the bus stop! Hopefully I'll post again soon...but if I don't, you can probably find me at the playground instead. ;-)

New Year, New......Hmmmm.....

So far the new year has only brought me congestion, achiness, and most recently, a LOVELY cough that I'm becoming convinced is not likely to leave my body much before February. It's been a GRAND start to the new year. Not.


Fortunately, through the fog of sickness, I truly can see that the year ahead holds promise. We're finally getting to the end stages of the flood recovery process. We're still purging, donating, organizing, and packing away our things that were uncovered during the flood and the reconstruction. But it is coming to an end. The basement looks better than ever. There is a new couch, a new tv (albeit still in the box), a lot of new plastic storage bins, new shelving in the laundry room, and A LOT less stuff overall. We're getting there. The process has been long and painful, but we know in the end it will be worth it. And now we can finally see the end in sight. I can't tell you how good that feels.


The end of 2010 could not have come sooner for us. For although the year had many high points, we also endured a lot of challenges for us and for those around us. It seemed like every high was immediately followed by a new bump/diversion/illness/whatever that made it impossible to stop and enjoy the high point. We're hoping that 2011 holds more calm moments (although with the 4 and 7 year olds around, it's not likely to be all that calm), more healthy moments (again, a challenge with young ones around), and more enjoyable moments for us and for all those we love and care about.

For now I'm holding that hope and holding on to it with all my might. I know there will be challenges and bumps in 2011, and we will meet them head-on and hopefully get past them with minimal disruption. That is my hope for us and for all of you in the new year.

Bang, Bang, and More Banging....

For those of you who haven't heard about our fall adventures, let me update you by saying that currently I'm sitting up in my bedroom, surrounded by piles of boxes, toy bins, books, coats, bags, and all kinds of stuff. My room looks like one of those hoarding shows. Truly. There is VERY loud banging coming from downstairs as I pray that our new kitchen isn't getting damaged as the wood floors are getting ripped out in the kitchen and dining room. On October 5th (a date I believe I will remember forever), we had a flood in our new kitchen. The water only ran for 2 hours, but it caused a nightmare of disaster for us. The basement was pretty much destroyed, along with many of our things that were in the basement. The wood floors in the dining room and kitchen were determined to be damaged enough to require replacement as well. It's now December 1st and we're still working on the renovations. The new wood floors go in today and the basement carpet goes in later this week. Then only a few minor things need to be finished up and we'll be done with the contractor's portion of the work. Then comes the "fun" of putting our house and lives back together.

Currently there's dust and boxes everywhere in the house. I get overwhelmed by even looking around at our lives. It's depressing. I have friends who are going through much worse situations than this, and I try very hard to find things to be thankful for, and I know it could be a lot worse for us too. I try not to complain, but find myself venting to anyone who will listen. I'm sorry to all my family and friends for being a real "downer" right now. I'm trying to keep some kind of normalcy for the kids, but they're beginning to see through the facade and are getting as cranky as I am about the insanity that is our home.

Home. That's a word that inspires comfortable, loving, happy feelings. I guess my problem stems from the fact that our home hasn't been any of those things for almost 2 months (not to mention the 2 months of kitchen construction we just went through this summer), and I don't know when it will feel like that again. I am quickly reaching the point of darkness where I don't even know where to start trying to put our life together so that we can feel like this is our home. I want not just my house back, but I want my HOME back. I want to feel good walking into my house and have it make me happy. Right now I'm happiest elsewhere, anywhere, just not here. Here makes me sad, overwhelmed, and downright depressed.

I know that although there is a LOT of work ahead for us to reassemble the house, once it is done it will be great and we will have a lot of new family space for us to enjoy and use as a family. I am trying to see that light at the end of the tunnel. But staying focused on that light is very challenging at best, and is easier on some days than others. Today feels like a hard day. Maybe tomorrow will be a better day. One can only hope.