12.01.2010

Bang, Bang, and More Banging....

For those of you who haven't heard about our fall adventures, let me update you by saying that currently I'm sitting up in my bedroom, surrounded by piles of boxes, toy bins, books, coats, bags, and all kinds of stuff. My room looks like one of those hoarding shows. Truly. There is VERY loud banging coming from downstairs as I pray that our new kitchen isn't getting damaged as the wood floors are getting ripped out in the kitchen and dining room. On October 5th (a date I believe I will remember forever), we had a flood in our new kitchen. The water only ran for 2 hours, but it caused a nightmare of disaster for us. The basement was pretty much destroyed, along with many of our things that were in the basement. The wood floors in the dining room and kitchen were determined to be damaged enough to require replacement as well. It's now December 1st and we're still working on the renovations. The new wood floors go in today and the basement carpet goes in later this week. Then only a few minor things need to be finished up and we'll be done with the contractor's portion of the work. Then comes the "fun" of putting our house and lives back together.

Currently there's dust and boxes everywhere in the house. I get overwhelmed by even looking around at our lives. It's depressing. I have friends who are going through much worse situations than this, and I try very hard to find things to be thankful for, and I know it could be a lot worse for us too. I try not to complain, but find myself venting to anyone who will listen. I'm sorry to all my family and friends for being a real "downer" right now. I'm trying to keep some kind of normalcy for the kids, but they're beginning to see through the facade and are getting as cranky as I am about the insanity that is our home.

Home. That's a word that inspires comfortable, loving, happy feelings. I guess my problem stems from the fact that our home hasn't been any of those things for almost 2 months (not to mention the 2 months of kitchen construction we just went through this summer), and I don't know when it will feel like that again. I am quickly reaching the point of darkness where I don't even know where to start trying to put our life together so that we can feel like this is our home. I want not just my house back, but I want my HOME back. I want to feel good walking into my house and have it make me happy. Right now I'm happiest elsewhere, anywhere, just not here. Here makes me sad, overwhelmed, and downright depressed.

I know that although there is a LOT of work ahead for us to reassemble the house, once it is done it will be great and we will have a lot of new family space for us to enjoy and use as a family. I am trying to see that light at the end of the tunnel. But staying focused on that light is very challenging at best, and is easier on some days than others. Today feels like a hard day. Maybe tomorrow will be a better day. One can only hope.