Bang, Bang, and More Banging....

For those of you who haven't heard about our fall adventures, let me update you by saying that currently I'm sitting up in my bedroom, surrounded by piles of boxes, toy bins, books, coats, bags, and all kinds of stuff. My room looks like one of those hoarding shows. Truly. There is VERY loud banging coming from downstairs as I pray that our new kitchen isn't getting damaged as the wood floors are getting ripped out in the kitchen and dining room. On October 5th (a date I believe I will remember forever), we had a flood in our new kitchen. The water only ran for 2 hours, but it caused a nightmare of disaster for us. The basement was pretty much destroyed, along with many of our things that were in the basement. The wood floors in the dining room and kitchen were determined to be damaged enough to require replacement as well. It's now December 1st and we're still working on the renovations. The new wood floors go in today and the basement carpet goes in later this week. Then only a few minor things need to be finished up and we'll be done with the contractor's portion of the work. Then comes the "fun" of putting our house and lives back together.

Currently there's dust and boxes everywhere in the house. I get overwhelmed by even looking around at our lives. It's depressing. I have friends who are going through much worse situations than this, and I try very hard to find things to be thankful for, and I know it could be a lot worse for us too. I try not to complain, but find myself venting to anyone who will listen. I'm sorry to all my family and friends for being a real "downer" right now. I'm trying to keep some kind of normalcy for the kids, but they're beginning to see through the facade and are getting as cranky as I am about the insanity that is our home.

Home. That's a word that inspires comfortable, loving, happy feelings. I guess my problem stems from the fact that our home hasn't been any of those things for almost 2 months (not to mention the 2 months of kitchen construction we just went through this summer), and I don't know when it will feel like that again. I am quickly reaching the point of darkness where I don't even know where to start trying to put our life together so that we can feel like this is our home. I want not just my house back, but I want my HOME back. I want to feel good walking into my house and have it make me happy. Right now I'm happiest elsewhere, anywhere, just not here. Here makes me sad, overwhelmed, and downright depressed.

I know that although there is a LOT of work ahead for us to reassemble the house, once it is done it will be great and we will have a lot of new family space for us to enjoy and use as a family. I am trying to see that light at the end of the tunnel. But staying focused on that light is very challenging at best, and is easier on some days than others. Today feels like a hard day. Maybe tomorrow will be a better day. One can only hope.

Thankful

I spent this morning at Kara's preschool, being a Helping Parent in the classroom. These days that I get to spend with a room full of preschoolers are always exhausting, but also always so rewarding. I appreciate that I get to know my children's friends. I get to see them interact. I get to see them grow, learn, and change as the year goes on. I also get to know the families connected to these children. I have made wonderful and dear friends through our preschool. My children have made strong friendships themselves from preschool classmates. And now in Kara's class this year, her playgroup friends are all together in the class. This playgroup has been going for three years now, longer than any other group we've been involved with. There are five girls, five moms, and five (about to be six) older and younger siblings connected with the group.

After preschool today we had the playgroup girls over for lunch and a birthday celebration for Kara's 4th birthday. It was a very casual, low-key party, I almost wouldn't call it a party, more like just a playdate. But I had so much fun watching the girls, chatting with the moms, and enjoying the fact that we have all established friendships that will last for many years into the future. I value this group and these bonds so much.

I said to a neighbor this morning who is very sick and will be undergoing cancer treatment in the near future, that it truly does take a village. We bond together as moms, parents, neighbors, and friends to help each other in so many ways and for so many different reasons. Then this afternoon I was reminded how strong my village is. I am very very thankful for all the members of my village and couldn't imagine our lives without them. And sometimes it's a really good thing to be reminded of that.

So many changes...

Tis the season of change, I guess. The leaves start turning beautiful fall colors. The kids go back to school. The season of vacations comes to an end. Fall activities start getting going - sports, camping trips, and much more. I generally like change and can roll right through a fair amount of change without much thought. This season has thrown me for a loop and I don't feel like I'm ready for all the changes that have been coming our way.

The change in the house - the kitchen project (which yes, I know, I still need to post final pictures of) is mostly complete at this point. I do catch myself every now and then going, oh my gosh, we really did this to our kitchen! Wow. It's a BIG change in our house and how we function as a family. We do love it, but it's definitely a life changer.

The change in routines - school, soccer, swimming, gymnastics, squeezing in some exercise, maybe some yoga too, volunteer commitments, and back to a few evening meetings as well. It's all good and in many ways, the kids and I were really ready to get back to having some regular routines in our lives. It's just now that it's all getting going, I'm having a hard time catching my breath in between activities, much less taking a few minutes here and there to plan for the upcoming bigger things on the calendar - Kara's birthday for example, and our trip to Maine in October. I obviously haven't figured out how to squeeze in that downtime for me that I need so badly...maybe once preschool is truly in full swing and I start getting my three mornings a week of peace?

There's been a number of changes in the lives of those around us. I recently had a childhood friend's husband pass away from a battle with leukemia. He was 37 years old and left his wife and two young children behind. I haven't kept in touch with her over the years as well as either one of us would have liked to, but I'm hoping this change in their lives will bring a change in that too. It's a very sad situation, although my friend seems to be dealing with it as well as can be expected. Over the past several weeks I've heard about a number of people dealing with or dying of battles with cancer. It's all downright depressing. But it has resulted in a change in my life too, an appreciation of each day and each moment we have with those around us. My friend's husband, Russ French, was an amazing man, friend and father and inspired many around him over the years. He lived a good full life and I want to aspire to be more thankful and respectful of all that is good in my life. Yet another change.

Then, of course, there is the change of season. Fall brings beautiful colors of changing leaves, of the rich-colored mums on front stairs, and yummy smells of apple cider simmering on the stovetop. Camping trips, fall farm visits, and football are also things we enjoy this time of year. Kara's birthday will come up quickly, then Halloween, and before I know it, Thanksgiving, which I will be hosting this year. I do enjoy the change of weather that comes along with the season as well. This summer was filled with hot hot days at the pool, which certainly was fun, but I could do without quite so much heat. The cooler weather leads to wearing jeans and sweaters as the breeze blows a bit more, and this I just love.

So in this season of change I am also very thankful for all these changes in our lives. Most of them are positive changes and we're ready to continue to roll through them. Maybe I just need to sit down, blog about them a bit, put it all into perspective more often, and that will help my brain wrap itself around all the craziness in my life. The changes come no matter whether we're ready for them or not. It's how we face the change and embrace it that counts.

Final Weeks of Summer

So we're already into the final four weeks of summer. I can't believe it's gone so fast, and at the same time we have four potentially LONG weeks ahead of us. John's in a half-day camp this week, Kara's in a short morning camp next week, and then it's just a lot of together time for the duration. I'm hoping for warm days and lots of pool visits paired with a few bigger outings that will keep the appropriate balance of exhaustion and interest going to minimize the bickering that will ensue if I let boredom set in. Can you tell I'm a little apprehensive about this? I'm trying my best to be optimistic, but I'm not the type of mom who can go, go, go and keep up the energy and manage everything else too. I can handle a fair number of activities, but only if it comes paired with some downtime too. I'm hoping we can manage without too much yelling (me), screaming (them), hitting (them), and time outs (everyone). That's my goal. I know, it's lofty, but we're going to try. I'm going to do my best to be the mom with lots of ideas, some active and some relaxing and even a few productive things squeezed in for good measure. We'll see how it goes.

I'm also hoping to squeeze in a few posts here and there and finally get around to posting pictures of the final kitchen project. It is done at this point and we are loving it! What a difference it has made in our house and in our lives. It will continue to develop as we continue to grow into the space and figure out how to maximize our enjoyment of it. Sometimes hard work does pay off and it's fun to enjoy the grown-up pleasures that we've been looking forward to.

Stay cool...and look for more posts soon!

Wow, life has changed...

Well, as I sit here typing this, there are electricians upstairs working away at the wiring for our new kitchen. The walls are gone, support beams have been moved, new appliances are ready and waiting, and life has gotten crazy. The process has started and each day we get a stronger vision of the final result. We are going to love it. The interim is a bit messy, to say the least. The fridge is in the dining room. The toaster oven and microwave is in the basement. The sink is either in the bathroom upstairs or the laundry room in the basement. Things are everywhere and it's not easy to put a meal together. Everyone is being reasonably patient so far, but we'll see how long that lasts as the time goes on. It has been over a week without the old stove and not quite a week yet without the kitchen sink. We're adapting as best we can, but it certainly isn't easy or convenient. But it is definitely wild to watch it happening each step of the way.

I'll try to be better about posting through this time and posting a picture or two for those few readers I have left that aren't on Facebook. ;-)

For now this is what we have.....

Thankful Thursday Again

I've been filled with great blogging intentions, but yet again seem to fail in the process of getting my thoughts out while in front of the computer. But that's not the point of today's post. I realized that it's Thursday and some time ago I got into doing a "Thankful Thursday" post and thought I would do a quick list this morning....

Today I am thankful for:
1. the still sleeping kids upstairs (yesterday was an over-tired doozy of a day, so hopefully some additional sleep will improve everyone's mood this morning)
2. the means and ability to plan the approaching kitchen renovation
3. the energy to get through the coming days
4. the plans that we have to go camping this weekend - we haven't been out camping in over a year and a half and I'm getting excited - although there's A LOT of work to do to get us there, but it will be all good in the end.
5. great neighbors and friends that I can totally rely on again and again and know that it's okay because I will support them over and over too
6. my dear husband
7. all the mother's in my life who help remind me that I'm not as crazy as I often feel
8. an amazing preschool family, which I am so excited for next year as Kara will have her entire playgroup in her class - yay! It's going to be so much fun for them and me!
9. the grapefruit half that's waiting in the fridge for me for breakfast this morning
10. the coffee in my cup and the coffee I'll get later this morning while I'm waiting for the van inspection

Thanks for reading!

An apology

So I feel like I would be remiss tonight if I didn't first apologize to Kara's preschool teacher, Mrs. Kelleher. Not that she'll read this tonight, tomorrow, or ever, for that matter, but I do owe her a huge apology. Tomorrow my daughter is going to be a complete bear. My crystal fortune telling ball is a bit fuzzy, so I'm not sure when the evil side will present itself. No doubt it will reveal itself at some completely inopportune moment, and likely she'll be an angel tomorrow during school, but the ugliness will come and I hope our lovely teacher, who I adore, isn't the recipient of the nastiness. I'm convinced I will be battered and bruised by the end of the day tomorrow.

Today started poorly for my dear Kara. After a tantrum of her own, I lost my temper with her, resulting in a very ugly interaction between us, all before we even left for the bus stop! We had a decent morning, followed by a playdate for her and John, then a late nap, and then several more tantrums during a very long and painful bedtime process. As Matt and John were trying to watch the Caps playoff game tonight, she kept repeating how she wanted her mittens. Over and over and over and over... No limit of explanation that it was April, not mitten weather, if she's cold she could use a blanket, etc, etc, etc. was good enough for her. She needed her damn mittens. Then, later, she insisted on having socks to sleep in. I gave her instructions for how to get her socks (by first brushing her teeth), and after much misery and non-compliance, I told her she was done, had lost her chance, and then the bawling really began. She just couldn't get it. There was lots of crying and screaming.

So it was a late, long night for my dear daughter. She's going to be tired tomorrow. There's preschool in the morning, then lunch and nap/quiet time, then playtime, early dinner, and t-ball practice right up until the kids' bedtime. It could be a busy, good day or it could be a long, painful day for us all. We'll see how it goes. But I figure it's a good idea to get my apology out ahead of the ugliness. It's one thing to have your kid take out their anger/frustration on you, but it's another thing entirely for them to take it out on the schoolmates or teacher.

I'm really sorry Mrs. Kelleher. I'm trying, really hard. But in the end, I'm just really sorry.

A Week is a LONG Time

Well, we've come out on the other side of Matt's annual conference trip and we all managed to survive. Matt was in San Jose, CA for a full 8 days (well, 6 days really, with 2 travel days), returning to Virginia on Wednesday of this week. He's still a little jet-lagged and overall exhausted from his trip, but he's here and we were all very happy to see him. The kids and I managed to survive the week with a few minor skirmishes along the way, but nothing too major, which was pleasant. We stayed VERY busy and apparently that was the key.

We had playgroup, a preschool puppet show, t-ball meeting and first practice, lots of time at the neighborhood playground, a barbecue at a neighbor's house, t-ball parade/picnic/and another practice, picnic at Lake Fairfax, a few errands, more playground time, cleaning the house a bit, more playgroup, a vision screening, and even a movie night thrown in for good measure. We had one more t-ball practice cancelled due to rain, so we went with some good friends to hit the kids' night at the local Silver Diner - included a kids' movie and crafts, which my kids loved since they'd never been to Silver Diner before. All in all, the week was good. Kara napped most days, John's usual short-day Monday was extended to a full day as it was a snow make-up day, which I was just fine with this particular week. I even squeezed in a couple of walks and a pedicure! We had all the usual bumps in the road that you have when you're being a single parent for days on end, but we managed to get through it and even enjoyed most of it.

Now I do fully admit to coming out the end of it being completely exhausted, but there's no time now to rest. We are now to the point of needing to get moving on more decisions on the kitchen project. I had no idea how many decisions there would be with this project! Wow! I'm trying not to get too overwhelmed, but my goodness. We've got our basic design down. Have the fridge picked out. Know pretty much what we want for the sink, dishwasher, cooktop, and oven/microwave. I sat down last night and figured out where most of our kitchen stuff will live in the new space, which a good friend of mine (who has a background in kitchen/bathroom design) strongly recommended that I do (thank you Alexandra!). And it was so very helpful to go through that exercise. I now have a much better idea of what pull-out options I need, and what other features make sense for us, and what we just don't have the room for. It made me feel much better about it all. But now we need to move forward on making some appliance purchases (yikes) so we have time to get them ordered, if needed, for our June target date. It's amazing to me that we're actually heading forward with this project, a little overwhelming, a little anxiety-inducing, and A LOT exciting. It's going to be a huge improvement and we're going to love the final product, getting there is another story, but I'm keeping the end result in sight, and we'll get through. ;-)

Just like this last week with Matt gone, we got through that, and we'll get through June and then we'll be able to breathe a sigh of relief...until the next big hurdle! Well, the hurdles hopefully will be a bit smaller than the major kitchen remodel, but you get the point.

Makes me wonder

Sometimes life throws curve balls at us. Sometimes we see them coming and can prepare, other times we get hit blindsided. I've been hit blindsided a few times myself and know others that have had it happen recently. Sometimes it's easier when we can't prepare, so we don't get anxious or nervous. In watching some friends go through some ridiculously awful things, I'm amazed at how different people manage their lives and how the instinct for basic survival can take over and power us through it all.

It takes strength, courage, love, confidence, support, and a never ending supply of patience to get through things that we think will break us. We've all faced tough times, some worse than others. Reaching out for support from those around us is critical. It often feels easier to curl up in a ball and try to forget the rest of the world exists than to face the problems. And sometimes we really need to do that for a bit, allow ourselves to grieve, mourn, release the sadness before it consumes us. But then, life requires us to unfold from the ball, stand up and figure out how to move forward.

I recently read a book written by John Edwards' wife, maybe a year or two ago. I knew a little bit about her, that she had battled cancer and that her husband has chosen infidelity in a painfully public way. But I didn't know that they also had a son who was killed in a fluke car accident at the age of 16. Her cancer was in remission and has spread (at least at the time she wrote this particular book). Her marriage, which had been her rock, was irreversibly shaken. She thought she could count on him, but it turned out she had to figure out a new way to live, to find new reasons to face each day and make them count. She's done that with her life.

The book describes the path that Elizabeth Edwards took to find meaning in each day. She details her own journey and recognizes that each person needs to find their own path through the rough patches of life. No one way will work for everyone. The important part is to pick up, decide that life is worth living, and find a way that will work for you.

Of course, this is easier said than done. I know that. Life is hard and filled with potholes, but it's also good and filled with joys. I try to remember that on my own dark days, and to provide the support others around me need as they navigate their journeys. The road of life is bumpy, but it is filled with love and joy too. People are resilient and strong, as long as they're willing to let themselves be.

A Few Updates

Life, as usual, has been busy, to say the least. I'm coming (slowly) to accept that the pace of our daily lives is much faster than I'm used to. Even our "down" days seem to fill up quickly with impromptu playdates, errands, and many other random, but wonderful, activities. I spend a lot of time feeling harried and rushed, but I'm trying to remind myself that it simply means that our lives are full and rich with loved ones and fun times.

The kids are growing and changing daily, which always surprises me. You'd think by now I'd be used to it, but they still bring new joys and challenges every day. John's more than halfway through kindergarten, doing swimming classes, tae kwon do (after a bumpy start, he's finally enjoying it), and about to start t-ball this spring. I'm loving listening to him read to me or to Kara and seeing the pride it brings him. He's a great guy. And Kara is my little bundle of personality - the good and the challenging! She's very funny and enjoys life in ways that are completely different from John. They get along so well, I find it wonderful and curious at the same time. I hope that doesn't change too much as they grow older.

We are also in the throws of contemplating and planning for a kitchen remodeling project. With any luck, we'll be without a kitchen for the month of June and by mid-summer will have a drastically improved kitchen to love and enjoy. We'll see if we can retain some sanity and get through the process!

This week I have added to my regimen of medications and a new doctor to add to my growing list of contacts. With the beautiful weather we've had this week, my allergies decided to knock me on my butt. I was in complete misery! I couldn't believe that it could feel so bad. It didn't take much to convince me to go see an allergist, as soon as possible. So, I did. Thank goodness. I had a very interesting visit, during which a set of allergy medications was given to me along with a diagnosis of asthma and medication to deal with that as well. I've never been diagnosed with asthma, and I'm not sure why it's bothering me so much. Over the last few days, I've thought about it a lot, and I can think of lots of symptoms that I just ignored or neglected that clearly indicate I've had asthma symptoms since high school, at least. But I'm still not ready for the label of "asthmatic." I know my case is mild compared to many, but I also think it's probably worse than I am ready to acknowledge. I feel like I've got enough medical labels for someone in their mid-30's and I'm not ready to add another one. And I KNOW that doesn't change anything and my ability to acknowledge it has no bearing on the actual problem. I am taking the medication that was prescribed to me, but still am not quite ready to fully embrace the diagnosis. But I am breathing better now!

This too shall be faced and dealt with, I know. Along with all the other challenges we have in our lives. Right?

Life is good, busy, crazy, and wild, but GOOD.

Thankful Thursday!

I'm baaaaaccck! :-) Well, I'm intending to be back. So, since it's Thursday, and at one point in time, quite awhile ago, I was doing thankful lists on Thursdays, I thought I'd start with that.

Today, I'm thankful for:
1. GREAT new allergy medication (that's finally working after a long week of misery)
2. a fun morning with Kara's preschool class on their first field trip
3. some amazing mom friends that I adore
4. having the energy to finish a project I've been procrastinating on for a month
5. the 3-hour nap that Kara took today
6. the bright future ahead
7. the warm sun of the past few days and the time to get out and enjoy it
8. the upcoming visit from my sister-in-law
9. the ability to possibly see our kitchen dreams come true and
10. my kids, husband, family, and friends, without whom I couldn't survive.

More to say in a separate post, I'm going to leave this as just being thankful!

To Dream....

We've spent our weekend having some good family fun, being very productive and dreaming, a bit. It snowed here over the weekend, somewhat unexpectedly, so we definitely had some fun snow play time. After all the snow in December, I got myself new snow pants, a new coat, and new snow boots (thanks Mom and Dad for the early birthday gift), and then I was convinced our winter snow season was over. Fortunately, I was wrong. And I got a chance to test out all my new gear before our upcoming snow tubing trip - and it was great! I was dry and warm and happy in my new gear. Happy Mommy, for sure!

Most of the rest of the weekend was spent working indoors on tearing apart and repairing Kara's closet in preparation for her new closet system, which the kids and I are going to pick up on Monday morning. Kara got to take naps in our bed and even slept on our floor one night - which she delighted in and John was very jealous of.

The other event of the weekend was our first meeting with a contractor to talk about the kitchen remodeling project. A close friend of mine gave us a referral for her contractor and we met with him this morning. The meeting went very well and he shared some ideas with us and we are looking forward to seeing the proposal he works up for us. But for now, it is still dreaming. We have some other research-type work to do before we decide exactly which path we're going to take on this HUGE project, so there's still a lot of steps before the dreaming becomes a bit of reality. I'm hoping we can make it happen in the early part of the summer when our schedule is light and we can have lots of picnics and pool-side meals. Time will tell, but there's a lot of dreaming and a lot of optimism.

Tuesdays are supposed to be easier!

On a normal week, my Tuesdays and Thursdays appear to be my easier days - Kara's got school in the mornings and then naptime in the afternoon - lots of Mommy time! John has swimming after school and then it's a pretty quick routine of dinner, bath, and bed after we get home. On paper it looks so easy. Today will NOT be easy.

Coming off a 3-day weekend is never easy, to start with. We spent a good deal of time this weekend looking at kitchen stores and doing a lot of window shopping for our upcoming kitchen renovation, which was not particularly interesting for the kids. They did well with it, but it was a lot for them. So technically today feels like a Monday, a transition day...not easy. Add to that the fact that I agreed to host our playgroup tomorrow morning and the preschool board meeting tomorrow night. This leads to me basically spending the bulk of today cleaning my house and making it presentable for the morning fun and the evening adults. On top of making sure I have enough food and drink to keep all guests happy (for me, this is the easier part). To make the day a little more challenging we also have a doctor's appointment for John in the afternoon, after school, but before swimming. I just hope I can remember that I need to go pick him up a bit early, rather than waiting for the bus later. Also, at the beginning of the school year, I signed up to provide snack this week (of all weeks!!) for John's class. I've got food for 3 of the 4 days already, but am hoping that I don't forget about Friday.

There are a few other wrinkles in the schedule during the rest of the week and then....ta-daaaa - Matt's out of town working this weekend! The light at the end of this tunnel is pretty far away right now. It's all good stuff, and I honestly wouldn't change any of it (well, except the part about Matt being out of town). I truly do work better under pressure. I just am still a bit overwhelmed with the magnitude of it all.

I just hope I'll still manage to squeeze in some time to play with the kids and enjoy my life. Because through all the madness, I really do enjoy it and everyone in it.

I did it

So, after posting the other day about trying to make more "in the moment" time with my kids, I managed to actually do it this morning. Kara's now in a swim class that is smack in the middle of the morning. For good and bad, it prevents running bigger errands, but also gives us some time after John's left for school before we have to be heading out to swimming. So this morning, I showered before anyone else was awake so I wouldn't lose my "Kara time" to my basic hygiene needs. Anyway, after we got back from the bus stop, Kara and I picked a project that she's been begging to do - a doll-fairy making kit she got for Christmas from her Aunt Caroline - and sat down to work. It was a bit advanced for her skill level, but I think she enjoyed doing it. I know I loved seeing her face at the completed item. The glue is still drying and we'll have to improvise some different wings for her as the kit's wings had some glue complications. Anyway, she's pleased as punch that we found the time to make the doll and my guess is even if we never get back to finishing the wings part, she'll get some play value out of the doll as it is.

It felt so good to take the time this morning to really be here with her and do the doll project. I'm hopeful it will make me inspired to be better about this with both kids. This afternoon's after school plans involve a bit of homework with John and then breaking into his new crayon maker that he's been begging to do!

Back to the Blog

Alright, so it's been months since I posted here and, to be honest, I've missed it. I think about postings in my head and haven't gotten them down on the computer. I can say we've been busy, which is true, but I also think I just needed to let go of one commitment for a little bit for my sanity and, well, the blog was it. Thus, the message in this post...read on.

Every day every parent doubts their ability to be a good parent. You spend so much energy and thought making parenting your primary focus and yet you still worry that you're not doing enough or not doing it right. It's totally overwhelming and stressful and makes your head spin on a daily basis.

I grapple with this regularly - load up on activities vs. spending quality time at home with my kids. Letting them play independently vs. engaging them in constant play. I love my kids more than anything and they astound me each and every day with their humor, charm, intelligence, sincerity, generosity, and so much more. Many days I feel like I didn't do enough - maybe I didn't do enough arts and crafts with them, or I didn't do enough reading, or I didn't limit their time in front of the tv, or hundreds of other "I didn't"s.

But deep down, I do know that I did. I do spend a lot of time doing all of those things with my kids. I just wish, so hard, that I could wipe away all of the extraneous things in our days - grocery shopping, cleaning, laundry - all the stuff that must get done, but that takes away from my time to "just be" with my kids. If only those things could fade into the background and I could spend all the quality time I want with my kids, for just a day, or two, or three.

But life isn't about "if only"s, any more than it should be about all the "I didn't"s. I am struggling with remembering to appreciate each moment and making the most of the time we do have. I am cleaning through a lot of the clutter, emotional and physical clutter, in our lives to allow me more energy and time to enjoy our life and enjoy the moments as they come.

Wish me luck.