To Dream....

We've spent our weekend having some good family fun, being very productive and dreaming, a bit. It snowed here over the weekend, somewhat unexpectedly, so we definitely had some fun snow play time. After all the snow in December, I got myself new snow pants, a new coat, and new snow boots (thanks Mom and Dad for the early birthday gift), and then I was convinced our winter snow season was over. Fortunately, I was wrong. And I got a chance to test out all my new gear before our upcoming snow tubing trip - and it was great! I was dry and warm and happy in my new gear. Happy Mommy, for sure!

Most of the rest of the weekend was spent working indoors on tearing apart and repairing Kara's closet in preparation for her new closet system, which the kids and I are going to pick up on Monday morning. Kara got to take naps in our bed and even slept on our floor one night - which she delighted in and John was very jealous of.

The other event of the weekend was our first meeting with a contractor to talk about the kitchen remodeling project. A close friend of mine gave us a referral for her contractor and we met with him this morning. The meeting went very well and he shared some ideas with us and we are looking forward to seeing the proposal he works up for us. But for now, it is still dreaming. We have some other research-type work to do before we decide exactly which path we're going to take on this HUGE project, so there's still a lot of steps before the dreaming becomes a bit of reality. I'm hoping we can make it happen in the early part of the summer when our schedule is light and we can have lots of picnics and pool-side meals. Time will tell, but there's a lot of dreaming and a lot of optimism.

Tuesdays are supposed to be easier!

On a normal week, my Tuesdays and Thursdays appear to be my easier days - Kara's got school in the mornings and then naptime in the afternoon - lots of Mommy time! John has swimming after school and then it's a pretty quick routine of dinner, bath, and bed after we get home. On paper it looks so easy. Today will NOT be easy.

Coming off a 3-day weekend is never easy, to start with. We spent a good deal of time this weekend looking at kitchen stores and doing a lot of window shopping for our upcoming kitchen renovation, which was not particularly interesting for the kids. They did well with it, but it was a lot for them. So technically today feels like a Monday, a transition day...not easy. Add to that the fact that I agreed to host our playgroup tomorrow morning and the preschool board meeting tomorrow night. This leads to me basically spending the bulk of today cleaning my house and making it presentable for the morning fun and the evening adults. On top of making sure I have enough food and drink to keep all guests happy (for me, this is the easier part). To make the day a little more challenging we also have a doctor's appointment for John in the afternoon, after school, but before swimming. I just hope I can remember that I need to go pick him up a bit early, rather than waiting for the bus later. Also, at the beginning of the school year, I signed up to provide snack this week (of all weeks!!) for John's class. I've got food for 3 of the 4 days already, but am hoping that I don't forget about Friday.

There are a few other wrinkles in the schedule during the rest of the week and then....ta-daaaa - Matt's out of town working this weekend! The light at the end of this tunnel is pretty far away right now. It's all good stuff, and I honestly wouldn't change any of it (well, except the part about Matt being out of town). I truly do work better under pressure. I just am still a bit overwhelmed with the magnitude of it all.

I just hope I'll still manage to squeeze in some time to play with the kids and enjoy my life. Because through all the madness, I really do enjoy it and everyone in it.

I did it

So, after posting the other day about trying to make more "in the moment" time with my kids, I managed to actually do it this morning. Kara's now in a swim class that is smack in the middle of the morning. For good and bad, it prevents running bigger errands, but also gives us some time after John's left for school before we have to be heading out to swimming. So this morning, I showered before anyone else was awake so I wouldn't lose my "Kara time" to my basic hygiene needs. Anyway, after we got back from the bus stop, Kara and I picked a project that she's been begging to do - a doll-fairy making kit she got for Christmas from her Aunt Caroline - and sat down to work. It was a bit advanced for her skill level, but I think she enjoyed doing it. I know I loved seeing her face at the completed item. The glue is still drying and we'll have to improvise some different wings for her as the kit's wings had some glue complications. Anyway, she's pleased as punch that we found the time to make the doll and my guess is even if we never get back to finishing the wings part, she'll get some play value out of the doll as it is.

It felt so good to take the time this morning to really be here with her and do the doll project. I'm hopeful it will make me inspired to be better about this with both kids. This afternoon's after school plans involve a bit of homework with John and then breaking into his new crayon maker that he's been begging to do!

Back to the Blog

Alright, so it's been months since I posted here and, to be honest, I've missed it. I think about postings in my head and haven't gotten them down on the computer. I can say we've been busy, which is true, but I also think I just needed to let go of one commitment for a little bit for my sanity and, well, the blog was it. Thus, the message in this post...read on.

Every day every parent doubts their ability to be a good parent. You spend so much energy and thought making parenting your primary focus and yet you still worry that you're not doing enough or not doing it right. It's totally overwhelming and stressful and makes your head spin on a daily basis.

I grapple with this regularly - load up on activities vs. spending quality time at home with my kids. Letting them play independently vs. engaging them in constant play. I love my kids more than anything and they astound me each and every day with their humor, charm, intelligence, sincerity, generosity, and so much more. Many days I feel like I didn't do enough - maybe I didn't do enough arts and crafts with them, or I didn't do enough reading, or I didn't limit their time in front of the tv, or hundreds of other "I didn't"s.

But deep down, I do know that I did. I do spend a lot of time doing all of those things with my kids. I just wish, so hard, that I could wipe away all of the extraneous things in our days - grocery shopping, cleaning, laundry - all the stuff that must get done, but that takes away from my time to "just be" with my kids. If only those things could fade into the background and I could spend all the quality time I want with my kids, for just a day, or two, or three.

But life isn't about "if only"s, any more than it should be about all the "I didn't"s. I am struggling with remembering to appreciate each moment and making the most of the time we do have. I am cleaning through a lot of the clutter, emotional and physical clutter, in our lives to allow me more energy and time to enjoy our life and enjoy the moments as they come.

Wish me luck.