The BIG Day

So our world is going to change tomorrow. Not only is summer officially over, but my oldest child goes out into the world, gets on a big yellow school bus, and goes to kindergarten. I knew the day would come, yearned for it even. But now it's looming over me like a dark cloud and I'm not particularly thrilled with it.

He's totally ready for this step. If he had to spend another week at home with me and his little sister, I think we'd all go nuts. He's ready for a schedule again, ready for new learning opportunities, ready to see some friends, and ready for everything else that goes along with this step.

Me? I thought I was ready. Maybe I convinced myself that I was ages ago, so that when the time came I would have brainwashed myself into believing it wouldn't be so hard. I was wrong or maybe I didn't do a good enough job with the brainwashing. I'm a mess inside today. Mostly I'm proud - proud of my son, who is strong, confident, caring, and sweet. But part of me is also nervous - nervous for all the changes that come with entering elementary school - all the social upheaval that we're heading into, all the many things that he'll be exposed to on the bus and in school with kids that are so much older than him. He's still my little guy and I hope he'll always be that for me. He's still so young and innocent (mostly). But that will change tomorrow when he gets on that bus. It may not be an instant change, but it will gradually shift for him and for us. I guess I am ready for the academic challenges of kindergarten, but not so much for the social challenges.

John is a great kid and I can't imagine him being any more ready for this step, but I just wish I felt more ready. Although truly, I'm not sure I'll ever be fully ready to let go. Fortunately the time comes regardless of my readiness.