Sliding Doors

Ever spend any time wondering what might have been? Particularly if you had simply missed a train or picked a different register line at the grocery store or similar innocuous experience? I try not to spend my brain power on these kind of what ifs because truly they are simply what ifs and nothing can change what actually happened in the past. But every once in awhile things like this do pass through my brain and cause me to ponder the possibilities. It's not that I have big regrets in life, I don't (at least not of the big stuff anyway, a few smaller ones maybe). But just hearing about some of the things - good and bad - that happen to other people makes me appreciate where I am in the world and in my life. Yesterday at the preschool coffee gathering I hosted one mom was sharing a story with us about a child who had a massive tumor at birth and was basically given very slim survival chances. The infant was given chemo during his first week of life and has had a very bumpy road to travel. But the child is now 14 months old, the tumor is virtually gone and while he still has many health challenges, and it's anyone's guess as to the potential developmental delays that may come, the outlook for this child's life is much much better. It made me comment about how fortunate I feel to have had two pregnancies that were so mundane and easy that it made me almost feel guilty. The possibilities for mutation and problems are astounding during each and every pregnancy. And our diagnostic skills are amazing now so that so many of these things are known ahead of the birth, which helps when plans and preparations need to be made for special cases. Both of my pregnancies were relatively easy, low-risk, and thus ordinary. We had one sonogram for each, and did not choose to do some of the chromosomal tests that might have revealed any problems, and had no ultrasounds done. Thus each time as the birth drew near, I could not help but wonder if my babies would be healthy or if there would be some problem discovered that we would not have been prepared for. I knew we would love the baby regardless, but what if.... Each time I was so thankful when my infant was snuggled up with me and I knew they were perfect, tiny people. The miracle of life truly is a miracle. There are so many things that need to happen at just the right time, in just the right way, for things to work out the way they should. I thank my lucky stars each day that they did for my family.